Captain - The Sweet Life

The banner at the top is a longhorn steer we call "Captain." Captain sticks out of the herd of all angus/baldy cows like red stilletos in the midst of a closet full of cowboy boots. You can't help but notice him. His huge frame and massive horns can be spotted from a mile away.

As near as anyone can figure, Captain must be somewhere around 14 years old. When Lindsey was in high school, she convinced dad to cosign a note at the bank with her to purchase a semi-load of steers. A fine semi-load of black calves were promptly purchased. But somehow a single, yell0w/white calf made his way into the purchase as well. His presence in the herd was somewhat of a novelty, but segregation and discrimation are not politically correct, even on a remote ranch. So he was left with the bunch to continue regular calf/yearling activities consisting of eating and tearing down fences.

The day finally came in which the yearlings were sold. Captain had since grown awkward, stubby horns and looked nothing like his Angus cohorts so the decision was made to keep him on the ranch. There was some talk that he would become a practice steer for roping. However, he much preferred eating grass so that plan never came into light. There was also talk that when his horns became big enough, they would become a massive hatrack of sorts in the mudroom. This, too, has never happened.

Now, there is not much room on a ranch for a "nonproducer" like Captain. The very fact that he was a steer prohibited him from reproducing, paired with the fact that he eats grass that a producing cow could be eating would be reason enough for most to ship him on the next load to town. However, since he was somewhat of a novelty, he has continued to reside at the ranch to this day.

His horns have grown exponentially as seen in the photo, making him too big to load in a trailer or be run down a chute. He also prefers to run with the cows or a goat if one is available. The biannual events in which he is confined with the rest of the cows to be worked causes him unrest, and he is immediately let out of the corral, because, let's face it, he could mow down a set of corrals with a single jump.

Now, on his behalf, it must be said that he has created a purpose for himself. Because he has been around the ranch for longer than any other bovine, he has a general understanding of how things work. He seems to realize when it is time to move to another pasture, and when us humans show up on horseback, he leads the cows to the appropriate gate with little guidance. This seems to be a particularly handy skill when the humans are shorthanded. For this service, in which he provides maybe five times a year, he is compensated quite handsomely by being able to eat green grass in summer and hay and cake in the winter. In the office this would be referred to as a "cush" job. He is the equivalent to that 75 year old guy in your office who can't seem to figure out how to use Outlook and just collects his check, he ain't leavin' baby!